There is an old man at my synagogue who really enjoys gossiping about anyone and complaining about anything. I recently learned I got in his crossfire, and a few days ago when I wasn’t there, he seized the moment and started gossiping about me! I didn’t think that anyone could have any ammo against me, the quiet little college student who drifts in and out harmlessly—but lo, according to the person who told me, he is still upset about that one time I told him I don’t like transliteration. I wondered for the longest time why he was upset. Was I really mean—maybe I really do think people who can’t read Hebrew don’t deserve to be in my synagogue, and thus his being indignant was entirely justified? Or maybe he was jealous—after all, I’ve only been here since last May and I already bring my own Hebrew siddur; he knows I taught myself to read Hebrew.
Perhaps Hebrew is only the tip of the iceberg—I’ve started showing up more often, answering the rabbi’s trivia questions, helping in the kitchen, and going down to the library to study after the minyan that I started going to. I bet he sees it all.
As someone who’s trying to eventually get an Orthodox conversion, I thought this was what you’re supposed to do. But maybe I’ve got it all wrong. Maybe I’m flaunting my blossoming knowledge. Maybe I should tone it down. After all, when people ask where my car is on Shabbat, I tell them I parked far away because I feel bad about driving—even though I could have just as easily lied and said I wanted exercise.
When someone asks why I won’t eat that pastry or that slab of meat, I tell them it’s because it’s not kosher…not that I ate earlier or that I don’t like that style of meat or whatever. I like to assume doing this “honesty” thing has the added benefit of making people think about how if I can do it, they can do it—all in a nonintrusive way—but maybe it’s backfiring. And I said I don’t like transliteration because I don’t like transliteration. Wow, maybe I’m really offending people and I don’t even know it.
But why should that even be a worry? People are responsible for themselves, and anyway it’s not like I said: “I don’t like transliteration, and I also hate everyone who doesn’t know Hebrew.” If they’re that insecure in their knowledge or observance or what-have-you, maybe they should work on themselves first (and pick on someone their own size!)
I can’t decide whether I should apologize to the fellow just to make it stop, or to ignore him and not get sucked into his poison.
