Jeffrey Goldberg Asks: “Do You Know How Many Testicles There Are in America?”

This week, Jeffrey Goldberg appeared on the Colbert Report to discuss a problem he has recently taken issue with: “useless airport security that needlessly humiliates American citizens.” New airport security protocol offers the choice between a full-body scan — Colbert hilariously points out that the company that makes the scanners is called “Rapiscan” — or having a full-body pat-down. Goldberg (ohmigodwelovehimsomuch) argues that, while airport security is crucial, terrorists will not be stopped if they’ve made it as far as the gate. Colbert responds by highlighting the (infinite) possibility of terrorists carrying bombs in their crotches. The National Correspondent for The Atlantic‘s reply: “Do you Know how many testicles there are in America?”

All jokes aside, (oh wait — this is Colbert and Goldberg (of What’s Your Problem “advice” column)…) Goldberg insightfully argues that these security measures further the goals of the terrorist groups to “get America to become a more paranoid, less free place.” Goldberg ponders the great debates of our time: Humiliation vs. freedom of travel? Goldberg vs. This Year’s Hypothetical “Crotch-Bomber:” “Why should innocent people be humiliated by our government for no good reason?”

It seems that the main takeaway from the conversation for Colbert (besides inspiration for a new airline, complete with a theme song) was that “we cannot let the terrorists out crazy us,” thereby giving birth to his and Jon Stewart’s Election Day Weekend 2011 main event: “The Crazy Race.”