Bullies. We’ve all experienced them — in the lunchroom, on the playground, and even in the workplace. Though they may not all fit the stereotypical image of a tyrant, they are still pretty easy to identify because of the confident way in which they carry themselves. That’s why I didn’t see this one for who he really was. My bully emitted no confidence whatsoever.
When we first met, he and I were each a bundle of nerves. We were about to audition for the choir that neither of us would make. We were anxious and jumpy, so I paid no heed to his clinginess. But as the days passed, it became clear to me that anxiety had a regular place in his life. Unfortunately, he found asylum in me and our relationship became parasitic. He sought me out at all hours of the day and night wanting to talk about his feelings and gossip about the lives of our friends. He barged in when I was doing homework, talking to friends, or on the phone with family and demanded my time with fierce pleas for attention. Fool that I was, I obliged. We spent countless hours as patient and counselor. I constantly comforted and reassured him. But when I needed a shoulder to cry on, his was not available. Just as I would begin to talk about myself, he would turn the conversation back around to his own life.
I began to avoid him. I would hide away in my room, go out and spend time at the gym, on walks; anything for a few moments to myself. But whenever I returned to the dorm, there he was, literally waiting for me to return. I would politely greet him and make a dash for my room with the intent of closing the door on him and returning to my homework; each time, he would follow me so closely that I never succeeded. Even when I asked to be alone, he would ask for just a minute more, force himself into my room and start venting. His rants were so psychologically taxing that it felt like I was being emotionally violated.
It can be argued that at some point in everyone’s life they have an issue with change, but I swear, it feels like this guy would anger at the clouds for changing shape in the wind. I finally recognized him for the bully he was.
Unfortunately, when I succeeded in making myself unavailable for his assaults, he found new victims, and tensions on our dorm floor rose with alarming speed. He started confronting everybody in our suite and starting bullying his roommate endlessly. It got to the point where my friends united and calmly demanded that he stop acting in that manner. He declared that he was moving out. No one slept well that night.
However, what this post is really about is the morning after that final conflict. After all the pain this bully caused, one would expect reciprocation; payback, anything, to show him the upset he caused us. Instead, my suite took a stand. We agreed not to tell his new suite about what transpired because we want to provide the bully with the opportunity for a fresh start, a fresh start he truly needs. The capacity for human kindness never ceases to amaze me. I guess there is more than one way to snub bullying.
