Advice from a 28-year Old Yenta
She has worked as a farmer, a waitress, a creative writing teacher, an in-hospital sex-educator and a lamp-maker—and now she’s writing an internet advice column. Merissa Nathan Gerson, the self-proclaimed “28-year Old Yenta,” runs www.AskYourYenta.com, where she offers assistance on anything from sex to eating habits.
New Voices reporter Simeon Botwinick spoke with Gerson to find out why she started AskYourYenta and how she hopes to help.
SB: What made you want to start an advice column?
MNG: I spent a year of my life going into high schools and educating on the subject of sex specifically and I find that people have a lot of misinformation and shame that I want to end. If I were to give one title to what my website does, I would say that I’m making a grand effort to kill shame.
In a recent question, a girl wrote about how she feels too fat for love. It’s important for me to immediately put this out there for an audience to read. Each of those people can see my answer and all these resources that I put up. Maybe if one of my readers reads this today and she decides that she doesn’t have to hate herself, then I’ve done a great job with my life and I can die happy.
SB: Where did your title come from?
MNG: People have always called me a Yenta. It seems like I know about them without them having to tell me. I can be in a crowd and know who is dating who or who has drama or who’s upset just by looking at their faces.
SB: What types of questions do people ask?
MNG: I would say the predominant questions revolve around sex and dating, but people have asked about roommates, animosity, and friendship issues. Teachers have even asked about not knowing what to teach their students.
SB: Are most of your questioners Jewish?
MNG: Probably not. Some questions are about Judaism, but many aren’t. It’s a mixed bag. I would say that I temper my Judaism to a non-denominational audience.
I’m really proud of the fact that I am Jewish and I feel that the older I get, and the more I meet liberal people, I see more of a negative overtone toward Jews. It’s really important to me to provide a voice that shows positive Jewish knowledge and relations to everyone. I have encountered a lot of ignorance surrounding Judaism and I want people to know that Judaism may not be what you think it is.
SB: How much time do you spend answering each question?
MNG: Some I can answer with my own instinct but others I go online and research a lot. When I don’t know the answer I call people for help. For example, someone recently asked me how they can know what they should be when they grow up. I wanted a Jewish answer, so I called Chabad and the rabbi there gave me Talmudic references. I’m not so arrogant to think I know all the answers.
I have a whole history of resources from helping myself. It’s not me talking. It’s the rabbi, the therapist, a book of Buddhist thought. All of these things have taught me to cope with my own problems. I’ve had a volatile bizarre existence. I’ve had to even out disparate ends. Those answers come from all these other people that have taught me other things on how to deal with life.
SB: Who answers your own personal questions?
MNG: My questions are answered by an arsenal of people. I have a number of rabbis who I really trust. Former therapists, acupuncturists and shamans, as well as a lot of spiritual women across the country have also been of great service to me, and I consult them constantly.
SB: Has your experience as a Yenta changed the way you view people?
MNG: I’ve found that people really set their standards extremely low. We have a national problem of low expectation of self. I feel like a cheerleader – I want everybody to break free of those feelings. If you’re completely shrouded in guilt and shame then you won’t allow yourself to live and breathe and see things.
SB: What advice would you give me if I said I wanted to become a 28-year Old Yenta?
MNG: I would say start crying. That’s the path to figuring it all out. That’s the beginning of all this – that I couldn’t stop crying. By getting all the grief out of my body, I started to be able to see.
SB: Really? Crying?
MNG: It’s not as sad as it sounds. Part of the way we create issues in our life is by ignoring them. When we start crying we start grieving. Crying is a way of getting back in touch with your heart.
When I was learning to meditate I would sit in these silent rooms and all that would come out were tears. Talking to a Jewish audience this is very relevant. We have a history of pain and I don’t see people letting it go. Suffering brings truth, and until someone is willing to face their pain they will never see the truth. I feel like I’ve only begun to hit the tip of the iceberg.
You can send the Yenta anonymous questions at merissag@gmail.com via www.send-email.org.
