They say that Jerusalem has character. I say that Jerusalem is full of characters. Case in point: my friend and I, let’s be creative and call her Adelaide, decided it was high time for us to go and visit the kotel. We planned to meet up at Kikar Tzion, off Ben Yehuda and walk together to the old city, catching up as we went. Recognizing the depleted state of my kitchen pantry, I planned to go a bit earlier and do some grocery shopping.
And so, interesting character number one found me sitting down by myself waiting for my friend and surrounded by 3 bags of groceries. I had stupidly made eye contact with her when she was walking around and she zoned in on me. Approaching me while carrying a litre and a half of Coca Cola and wearing 3 rings on each finger.
“Please, I haven’t eaten in three days.” She said to me
I just shook my head.
“Why not?” she demanded of me.
“Because,” was my brilliantly given answer, while eyeing her coke.
“Because?! Because?! You should rot in hell because of your because!!”
Lovely woman. I met up with my friend and all was forgotten. We walked, schmoozed and noshed, finally reaching the kotel about half an hour later, in time for Ma’ariv. Walking towards the wall, we were (once again) accosted by people, two women, asking for charity. Having almost no change on me, save for 70 agurot (the equivalent of not a lot), I gave one of the women 50 agurot. The second one got all pouty.
“Why did you give her and not me??” she demanded.
The first woman answered for me. “Don’t be upset, she’s a cheapskate. Here take 20 agurot from what she gave me.”
I just sighed.
Later, I was waiting for the bus to take me back to my dorm. A number 4 bus rolled up and off of it staggered a toothless drunk. Banging his beer bottle against the metal bus stop he shouted “Who farted? Which one of you farted?” He walked up to one of the men waiting at the stop “Did you fart?” Trying not to laugh, the man shook his head. “Well it smells like fart” he stated. Thankfully, after this tirade, a bus came up to the stop and the man ran up to it (or at least tried to) and got on in the back. The bus stop was vibrating with the convulsions of the rest of us.
This may not be the city that never sleeps, but at least it’s not boring!
