Flowers are blooming, the days are getting longer, and a powerful current of energy has spread amongst Jewish queers everywhere. The desire to wear cargo shorts becomes unbearable. Suddenly everyone is hosting outdoor Shabbos dinners. Your herb garden grows at a rate even the most experienced co-housing community can’t contain. Everyone gives you their number but no one texts you back. All the telltale signs of summer have arrived. New Voices Magazine is here to guide you through its pollen filled fields.
Welcome to the New Voices Summer Frolic Compendium: a guide to the love, lust, and everything undefinable that comes with this summertime gaiety.
After sending out our Seasonal Frolic Compendium survey, the gay social researchers of New Voices Magazine — a.k.a., me, Nat El-Hai, Jewish Queeries Advice Columnist — are here to report their peer-reviewed findings and offer some data-driven solutions. Below you’ll find our analysis, reviews, and predictions for the rest of our queer Jewish summer.
Demographic Frolic Survey Data
We got a variety of passionate responses to our questionnaire, including my own, and while I’d like to say I can successfully make some broad generalizations about our community, it’s proven rather difficult. Surprise — we’re all complex beings despite having a shared identity. Let’s dive in.
The survey respondents come from 9 cities, with New York and Philadelphia making the list many times. Special shout out to whoever put their location as “butch lesbian” because I also live there. Even with a relatively small pool of respondents, nearly every person had their own unique gender and/or sexual identity.
When asked what apps people were on, Tinder came first in popularity with Lex at a close second. Grindr, Hinge, and Bumble are all tied for third. According to the survey, JDate/JSwipe had zero users, which is a crushing blow to their recent rebrand.
Before you even meet the individual you wish to frolic alongside, we’ve culled together the latest data on how our readers are attracting the queer Jews of their dreams on dating app. The questions ranged from asking for funny anecdotes to tips on how to save a bad date. We’ve divvied up the rest of this piece by our favorite questions and responses.
You’re on a dating app. Tell me you’re queer and jewish without telling me you’re queer and jewish.
Magen david emojis? Noting that you bake vegan challah? Disparate knowledge of multiple ancient languages? A distrust of authority? Highlights from the survey include: copious use of Magen David emojis (surprise), “Going radio silent every Saturday,” and “Ask me about the history of date palms in Ancient Judea.” Can someone tell me about the history of date palms in Ancient Judea? Please reach out.
Red flags and green flags
You have a tattoo of what?
A quick refresher on language: A red flag is a warning. It’s a behavior a date can do that signifies something broader about their character, and ultimately, trouble ahead. Not tipping is a good example of this. Its inverse, the green flag, is a sign that your date is a good match.
Red Flags
- Too many food pictures
- Only solo pics
- All group pics
- Filters
- Same facial expression in every photo
- Meme deficit
- Dead animals
- Harry Potter merch
- No smiling
Green Flags
- Pics that are not selfies
- Laughing smiles
- Magen David/hamsa jewelry
- Pets
- Nature
- Reading material
- Standing next to a research poster
- Home cooked meals
Unspecified Flags
- Exercise gear
Survey participants submitted a variety of both flags when we asked our readers for their red and green flags. It’s evident that people like variety in a profile — so be sure to shake it up. Yet, one Jewish queer’s red flag is another’s green one. Someone wrote in a red flag that is a green flag for me: “A photo taken from a downward angle – am I supposed to picture what it would look like if you were murdering me?”
It’s all about perspective! Some of us are more than happy to find ourselves in this position with our lovers.
Describe the best photo in your profile.
I’m sitting in the backyard of our shared co-op. As my rough hands dig beneath the damp soil to harvest the organic produce, the light catches my eye and I give an uninterested glance at the camera.
Thank you to everyone who eagerly matched the tone of my fake example profile above. Here are the greatest hits, for your mental image-viewing pleasure:
- “I’m in Milan, standing in front of a 1920s tram, my thick brown hair in a ponytail, my glasses darkened in the sun, looking at the camera, utterly unenthused.”
- “Me in my fencing gear.”
- ”Standing in the bathtub fully dressed while laughing wholly.”
- “Picture of me taking a selfie with kosher pickles and poppers.”
Bio Reviews
“Seeing me is a pleasure, having me is a tragedy.” — Ladino Proverb
Everyone who submitted their bios for review is extremely brave, self-effacing, or a combination of the two and I commend you for it. Let’s do some analysis.
“The gay son Joan Rivers deserved.”
You must be a fantastic person to be uniquely qualified for this role. Great bio because it raises so many questions for a first date. What kind of son did Joan Rivers deserve? Joan Rivers has a daughter, is she gay? Would Melissa Rivers object to finding out she has a gay brother so late in life? There are serious implications here that can only be resolved over dinner.
“Not at all mysterious. Good cook, great arguer.”
I’m in love. Witty, pithy, and honest. Personally, I’m tired of mystery. After reading this I’m ready to eat a delicious home cooked meal, hear some controversial takes, and finish with a good discussion. This ticks off all of my boxes.
“Geeky guy looking for same. ✡️ Lover of musicals 🎭, Disney 🧚♀️, Nintendo Switch 🎮, (Pokemon Arceus & Hades), Percy Jackson 🔱, Brandon Sanderson 📖 & mythology 🏛 More looking for friends than a quick fuck.”
I like this profile because it gives a lot of information in a bite sized bio: there are plenty of topics to start a conversation about and the profile writer is clear about their interests. It also demonstrates advanced proficiency in emoji use which is a highly sought after quality for some. Extra points for strong, colorful, yet tasteful emoji use. I have a feeling this is a successful profile.
Brilliant Date Ideas
I pick you up as the sun is setting. We walk 40 minutes to an obscure location I claim is the “best in the city.” I forget my wallet.
- “We meet outside the brunch spot and find out it’s too busy so we just go to starbucks cause I have IBS and need to use the bathroom and it turns out you do too. There are two clean stalls available for us to use.” This sounds like a true bashert-like match. I wish this for you in the near future.
- “We both bomb at the comedy open mic.” Excellent idea to make the foundation of your relationship mutual humiliation.
- “A picnic.” Seriously. You can’t go wrong.
- “Drinking beer out of a nalgene at the lake and talking about books.” Idyllic and easy. A downsized picnic.
Sometimes things don’t always go as you plan. You find a potential lover, meet in a situation revolving around getting coffee and sitting by a body of water, but something isn’t quite right. How do you know and what do you do?
How to save a bad date? How do you know it’s bad?
- “Ask a friend to be on standby in case you need an out. “
- “If you text help, tell your friend to call and come up with an excuse to leave. Do so immediately if they’re wearing a gross and heavily applied perfume/cologne and it’s causing a migraine.”
- “No matter how good the date sounds or who it’s with, always tell someone where you’re going and when they can expect to hear from you.”
- “Always, always trust your gut, and know that you do not need to justify finding a reason to leave if you’re uncomfortable.”
- “Keep finding new topics of conversation. There MUST be some common ground somewhere.”
- On one hand, I’m sure this technique works under the right circumstances. However, sometimes there just isn’t common ground. It’s not necessarily a reflection of you or your date, but don’t spend excess energy trying to make something work that isn’t working. Remember, dating is meant to be fun, not about making everything go ‘the right way.’
Every queer Jew needs a posse of friends. What’s your dream event to organize with your queer crew as a friend-hang?
Grabbing tickets to a “Daniel Kahn & The Painted Bird” concert? Stick-and-poke art circle? Starting a collective farm? DIY haircuts after Shavuot?
- Jewish dyke park picnic
- Meeting at someone’s house for havdalah, dinner, and watching MMA every Saturday
- Probably something involving public transport
- Writing group where we share our work and give critiques
- We play video games, drink gin and tonics, and spank the losers
- Dinner and havdalah where everyone is a little chaotic but also everyone is alive and being boisterous. After the candles are out we all go dancing
What’s in and What’s out
What’s In
- Artificial intelligence
- Jorts
- Anxiety
- Jewish amulets
- Farming
- Handwritten Letters
- Noshing
What’s Out
- Parasocial relationships
- Girlbossing
- Irritable Bowel Syndrome
- Scheming
- Puzzles
- Astral projection
- Ayn Rand’s literary canon
Frolicking Conclusions
Hopefully, our Summertime Frolic Compendium illuminating for our New Voices lovebirds and hopeless romantics – it certainly was for me. While there seems to be strong preferences for iced coffee, emoji use, and Shabbos activities, it was very hard to pinpoint any consistent trends. As someone who is actively dating, I found this information heartening. There are so many ways to be queer and Jewish. While these identities can leave one feeling pigeonholed into various stereotypes, remember these answers to remind yourself that being queer and Jewish is just one of many doors into a world of some really cool and unique individuals.
So if like one of our respondents, you’ve met someone online or while “staring at the same guy’s butt at the line for the check-in desk of a hotel.” What comes next? You know what to do.
Illustrations by Rena Yehuda Newman. Need advice? You can submit your own questions for Dear Jewish Queeries by clicking here.
