Employers Buy Into Millennial Ghosting Culture

According to the Oxford dictionary, ghosting is defined as the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication. (Yes, ghosting is now an official term in the dictionary – one of our generation’s many accomplishments alongside avocado toast and sushi burritos.)

As a frequent user of the phrase “no response is a response,” I recognize that I’m complicit in our culture of ghosting. When I’ve dated men that I no longer wish to pursue a relationship with, I simply stop texting with them. I assume that my lack of response to a text is enough evidence of my desire to no longer see them. For years, I’ve implemented this theory of abstention from responsiveness in personal relationships. It wasn’t nice, but it was effective.

Until recently, I was convinced that my strategy was harsh but not harmful. Yet, when I began my post-grad job hunt, it became apparent how wrong I was. Over a period of five months, I applied to and was interviewed for numerous jobs. Some were in the non-profit world, many were in the Jewish community, and several were with corporate organizations. Regardless, the pattern was the same: attend interview, have interviewer tell me that I “will hear from them in the next few days,” send follow-up email, wait more than a week to hear anything, receive no response. Employers were ghosting.

The first or second time this happened, I remained unfazed. I had been conditioned to expect that the job hunt would be challenging. Career counselors and the media had me believe that anytime an employer deigned to respond to me, I should proverbially kiss the ground they walked on. Numerous articles insisted that in order to make a good impression, I would need to be willing to do whatever was necessary to get the position. After all, with only a bachelor’s degree in psychology, what could I expect?

Post-ghosting, I tormented myself with the nuances of the interview. Retracing every detail of my outfit and each word that came out of my mouth, I convinced myself that the common thread in my experiences was me. Like many women, I resigned myself to believing that I deserved to be ghosted. Quickly, I realized that this was not a bad match on a dating app. Since when had my generation’s poor dating habits become commonplace in the professional world?

By the fourth time this scene repeated itself, I had moved on from mere lack of regard for the organizations that ghosted me. I began to see ghosting for what it is: unprincipled and short-sighted. When we emphasize Jewish engagement and talk about “meeting people where they are” as cornerstones of our values system, I cannot help but wonder how we reconcile ghosting within our ethical framework. The 10^th century Torah commentary Yalkut Shimoni teaches, “Most often, the person who becomes a leader is not the one who knows the way, but the one who behaves as if they know.” Considering that our business practices do not reflect dignity in our behavior to one another, how can we expect to be proper leaders in our communities?

Particularly in the Jewish non-profit sphere, ghosting an interviewee is not simply ill-mannered. It’s a bad business decision. Today I may not be the right fit for the job, but tomorrow I could be a potential donor. What type of message are we sending if we only behave politely when we’re seeking donations? On a universal level, all organizations should consider how they treat the people who seek employment with them.

My concern is that our abysmal personal standards and our cutthroat views of the work world are colliding and leaving us in a vacuum of civility. We are all complicit in ghosting. Whether or not we recognize it in the moment, our choice to dismiss others is inhumane. We have an ethical responsibility to shift our culture of job hunting from one that is ruthless and cold to one that is human. As ultimately, we are all imperfect beings who bring a mélange of valuable skills and poor habits to every space we occupy.

At 23, I’m very much a work in progress. In writing this, I worry about being viewed as a “snowflake millennial” who is too sensitive or cannot cope with not getting what she wants. On the contrary, I can accept rejection and recognize the ways in which I could have done better. Constructive criticism – of self and others – breeds growth. Still, without naming this weakness in our society we cannot change.

In the words of my favorite fictional character, Will Mcavoy from The Newsroom, “I’m on a mission to civilize…progress is slow but I’m in it for the long haul.”

Alix is currently pursuing a Master of Public Health at the University of Miami. She endeavors to build a life that is balanced, bold and engaged in social justice.