College means opening your mind and seeing a lot of new faces. You may even find yourself learning more from those around you than from of all the information in your textbooks.
Of course, meeting people who think differently than you can be nerve-racking. If you’re meeting a Jewish person for the first time, don’t worry about being awkward, but take their beliefs into consideration before you speak.
Here’s a five-step guide to walk you through that interaction:
1. Ignore Stereotypes
As with any other person you meet for the first time, reserve all judgments. Making assumptions about people based on appearances or stereotypes affects the way you treat them. I remember a mistake I made when I overheard a group of people talking about the 12 steps rehab program, and I wrongly assumed that one of them was addicted to alcohol or drugs. I later found out that the guy actually worked in a rehab facility and was having a conversation about it, but this was after weeks of thinking things about him that were completely false. I felt pretty bad, and learned my lesson about assuming things.
Don’t assume things about Jewish people either. Jews still deal with negative stereotypes including greed, materialism and certain physical features such as large noses, dark hair, dark skin and brown eyes. Avoid mentioning or even thinking of these when meeting a Jewish person, because not all Jewish people fit the stereotypes. Comments such as, “You don’t look Jewish” could easily be offensive.
2. No Jokes, Please
Jewish people, like everyone, wish to be respected for what they believe in. For many, Judaism is a deep, meaningful way of life, and joking about certain practices, rituals and other habits shows great disrespect.
Take Judaism seriously, no matter what you do or don’t believe in, because it’s still a serious matter to the other person. Use your best manners and do not force your own beliefs upon them.
On the other hand, don’t treat Jews like they’re on some whole other level of religion that you should be afraid to talk about, either. Like any religious group, there are some that are much more “into it” than others.
3. Ask Questions
As a general rule, you want to avoid religion and politics when first meeting someone, but as you get to know Jewish people, the subject may come up. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Some Jews actually welcome them, provided the audience keeps an open mind.
Ask intelligent, meaningful questions, not simple things like “What do you believe in?” Doing a little research beforehand shows great respect and a desire to learn, and this will help you think of more interesting questions. You could also ask about their family history. Some Jewish families run deep with remarkable stories. I have some amazing stories about my great-grandparents that I’d love to share if you ask (and maybe that’s another blog post in the future).
The worst thing you can do is try to challenge them with a question. I’ve had too many experiences where someone says, “Oh you’re Jewish? Well then how do you explain…” then go on to try to convince me that what I believe is wrong. That’s simply rude, no matter what religion you’re talking about. Also, especially because of current events, don’t assume that they have certain feelings towards Israel just because they’re Jewish.
4. Political Correctness
During the holiday season, there’s always several news stories on the political correctness of saying “Happy Holidays” versus “Merry Christmas.”
To be safe, use the politically correct “Happy Holidays.” If you know for sure the person is Jewish, wish him/her a Happy Hanukkah. However, some Jews, including me, will not going to be offended if you say “Merry Christmas.” There’s a pretty wide set of views about this, so I’m sure there are some that would disagree. I’d only get offended if you used “Happy Hanukkah” in a mocking way. Again, that comes down to being rude.
For holiday gift-giving, or during any time of the year, find something kosher that meets proper guidelines (no pork or shellfish, no meat and dairy products together, etc.). Additional research will provide other examples of appropriate gifts. If you don’t know the person well, avoid gifts that mock or make fun of Jews, like these. Yikes.
5. Increase Your Knowledge
Some Jewish people have different perspectives than others, and researching Jewish history can prepare you for how to act around them.
Regardless of which type of person you meet, research will tell you about their customs, values and beliefs. You’ll learn ways to be courteous and respectful around them, such as not calling them from Friday night to Saturday night if they are Shabbat observant.
Acceptance of people begins with understanding, which is fostered by first learning as much as you can about them.
Respect From the Start
It’s normal to be a little nervous around a new culture or religion. Just be yourself, and remember that Jewish people are searching for the same things you are: respect and acceptance. Giving them that much from the start is a good way to get to know them.
Ed Mighell is a student at Rasmussen College in Florida.
