Written in response to Eat the Food Without Drinking the Kool-Aid: How to Get the Most out of Orthodox Outreach Programs
“Ben Zoma said: Who is wise? He who learns from all people, as it is said: ‘From all those who taught me I gained understanding’ (Psalms 119:99). ‘Who is honored? He who honors others, as it is said: ‘For those who honor Me will I honor, and those who scorn Me will be degraded’ (I Samuel 2:30)” (Mishna Avot 4:1).
Falling in love with Judaism has been a challenging but highly rewarding and satisfying journey. Though I don’t consider myself Orthodox, my experiences in a Torah observant world made me appreciate and connect to my Jewish roots. Uncovering the moments that led me to connect more to my soul to create a life with meaning and purpose was a long process. It included watching my rabbi sway and sing when I was still an undergrad, looking at his beautiful children and wife laughing, eating, and praying with a busy yet uplifted spirit, and watching groups of men or women sing and dance together in the courtyard of the Kotel before Shabbat. Other memories include witnessing the gentle moment when a father puts his hand on his child’s head to bless him or her, tasting delicious freshly-baked challah after saying a blessing, and sitting with new and old friends discussing meaningful and relevant Torah concepts and how they relate to our modern world while just enjoying each other’s company.
While I did attend a Conservative Hebrew School twice weekly as a child, then later chose to continue at the local after-school program Los Angeles Hebrew High School, nothing compared to my learning and adventures at beginner’s seminaries in Jerusalem and my time with kiruv, or Orthodox outreach, organizations in Los Angeles and Manhattan. When first approached, it all sounded very unappealing and strange- only girls?! Studying most of the day?! In a religious neighborhood?! Not exactly what comes to mind when you think of a vacation or a desirable path. But what I received along the way- through the tears and skepticism, the questions and hours of conversation and in-depth reviews of the Torah- was more precious than anything I had ever known before. Let there be light- a new-found respect and understanding for how to share and appreciate our daily and possibly monotonous routine suddenly emerged. Life-long friendships were solidified and mentors became clear. Role-models and a new way of life seemed very real and very promising. Memories of bonding, laughing, and discussing life’s most important concepts and trials while trying to decipher meaning in the texts and in the laws were formulated.
There were no rules other than respect and a simple level of modesty while in class. Sure, we ‘got out’ some nights to bars, danced and flirted with handsome Israeli boys, but our days were invigorating and intensely interesting. All of our lives and perspectives changed. Even if I didn’t connect with every student or every teacher, I was inspired to live and think in a way that would require me to constantly seek wisdom, grow, and find new ways to connect and share beautiful experiences with my extended Jewish family, regardless of upbringing or level of observance. I never felt judged or pressured inside the learning programs with the exception of a few students who were… on their own paths and didn’t quite understand the correct way to interact with women who didn’t share the same practices, but I didn’t let that affect my experience.
While I am not an outwardly observant Jewish woman and do not keep the laws of Kashrut or Shabbat to their fullest extent or wear long skirts every day, I have taken on mitzvot that are personally meaningful (lighting Shabbat candles with my mom and sister, quitting non-kosher red meat and all non-kosher animals, and saying the prayer after using the restroom, Asher Yatzar); attend classes and discussions on intriguing topics such as relationships and the World to Come; throw champagne Shabbat brunches for friends; sing and share Shabbat meals with my favorite Chabad and Aish rabbis and rebbetzins; and learn as much as possible. My neshama/soul craves to be closer to my creator, my community, and becoming the best version of myself. I have been inspired to take on more mitzvot and be closer to the community, though I still have a fondness for the way I was raised, as a not-completely-observant traditional and Zionist Jew.
I have never felt so fulfilled on so many levels as I do now. I just started a matchmaking company for Jews in Los Angeles, and hope to increase the love I experienced then and now by trying my best to help friends and other Jews connect to each other and stay connected, and am excited to continue planning and promoting events for young Jewish professionals in LA thanks to my experiences and network here. I hope that I continue to grow, stay open-minded about all types of Jewish practice that bring Jews closer to each other and to their Judaism, and one day share my love and learning with my own family. There are so many ways to get connected or reconnected with Judaism and spirituality, and I am honored to be part of such an inspiring and opinionated bunch!
Jenny Appelbaum is a recent graduate of CSU Northridge and UC Santa Barbara.
