Dear Jew in the City:
I understand what you’re trying to do on BuzzFeed with your articles about trying to normalize Orthodox Judaism. You are trying to show that, no, those of us who were raised in the Orthodox world (or are Orthodox now) do not actually have to be that different from you or I “normal people.” You are trying to replace the perceptions that people have of the Orthodox world, that we are a group of people who reject modernity, hate women, and refuse to watch movies, with a people who, really, are not that different from us.
And I can completely understand your need to do this: as someone who grew up in the Haredi world and has since left it, I raise eyebrows every time I tell someone that, when I was in fifth grade, I grew out my sidelocks until they were long enough to curl behind my ear and that there was a several-year-long period of my childhood wherein I refused to wear non-collared shirts so as to better fit into the community in which I grew up.
However, while publicizing our diversity sounds great in theory, you are replacing us Modern Orthodox Jews with the perception that we are caricatures of what you post on BuzzFeed. We are far more than the caricatures of what you talk about when you write about how, no, Orthodox Jews don’t have sex through a hole in the sheet or that an Orthodox Jew can grow up to do amazing things just like any non-Orthodox Jew.
This, however, does not show the greater world that we are more than our caricatures — it shows us that we are afraid of our caricatures. We, as Modern Orthodox Jews who live with both feet firmly in the Orthodox and the Modern worlds, and who try to live a life that is Modern and Orthodox and Orthodox and Modern, should shatter those caricatures and those perceptions by being fully present both within religious settings and the modern world. We shatter those stereotypes by being proud of the type of Jew that we are, be we Jews who wear jeans and t-shirts or Jews who have ten kids because we don’t use birth control, and everything in between.
Ultimately, we are not going to change our perceptions through lists on BuzzFeed, however humorous or absurd they may be. We will create that change by being who we are, and being proud of our beliefs and our lifestyles, not ashamed of the media perceptions.
This is not showing your Modern Orthodox pride: this is erasing the identities of those who actually do the things that you disparage in your BuzzFeed lists. I grew up in a community wherein seeing movies was looked down upon — and I left that world, and could not disagree more with the practices and the philosophies that drove that community. But I, in no way, want to delegitimize that community.
The beauty of Orthodoxy (and Modern Orthodoxy in particular) is that there is no single working definition that works for all (Modern) Orthodox Jews: some of us have ten children, some of us have none. We are straight, bisexual, gay, queer, and every single gender identity under the sun. Some of us prefer gendered prayer spaces, some prefer partnership minyanim, and some prefer fully egalitarian spaces. Orthodoxy is broad enough to include within it the Hassidic community, Yeshiva University, and the more liberal Yeshivat Chovevei Torah. It is the denomination of Rabbi Herschel Schachter, who sees women donning tefillin as the antipathy of Orthodoxy and Rabbi Avraham Weiss, who is training Orthodox women as clergy.
Trying to limit (Modern) Orthodoxy by disparaging those perceptions, not all of which are false, you objectify those of us who do not fit into the (Modern) Orthodox mold and leave out those of us who also add diversity to the (Modern) Orthodox world.
That, ultimately, erases and downplays the identities of those who fit into the conventional Modern Orthodox mold, and also erases those of us who do not generally have a voice and are not given a voice because we are still silenced within the (Modern) Orthodox world, like the LGBTQ community. By focusing on who Modern Orthodox Jews are not, and not focusing on the full diversity of who Modern Orthodox Jews are, you objectify those who are unique and silence those who still have no voice in our community.
Instead, I have a proposition: join me, and other (Modern) Orthodox Jews who are trying to work inside of, and not outside of, our communities to showcase our diversity. Work within the community to create one that is as vibrant, inclusive, and diverse as you showcase it to be, and create a space that is open and as diverse as you showcase to the rest of the world. Work within our community to create a space that is safe for diversity, and work within our community to give a voice to Jews who don’t necessarily have a voice because our diversity is not being showcased. That way, our communities can truly be a model for diversity that you try to showcase in your work.
Sincerely,
A (Modern) Orthodox Jew Who Doesn’t Always Have a Voice in the Orthodox Community
Amram Altzman is a student at List College.
