There’s a legend that’s passed around in Stern College for Women of the student who had a baby on Thursday and came back to class the following Monday. This, as it turns out, is a true story—she was in class with my friend.
To have a baby in college often means the condom ripped, or something equally accidental. Take, for instance, the professor who began working in Stern after years at teaching at other institutions. When one student told him she’d be missing class, and proudly explained, “I’m pregnant!” the professor was baffled. “Why are you telling me that?” he asked, assuming the pregnancy would be a secret for as long as it could be hidden.
But in Stern, the stereotypes are reversed. Pregnant students can be spotted in the hallways, their heads covered by a hat or a wig as a symbol of their married status. Nearly every week a student gets engaged or married, and having babies comes not far behind. A graduation picture posing with one’s spouse—and yes, even child—is just as common as with one’s parents. Considering that the average age of a Stern student is 21, this can’t be explained away by older adults looking to finish a degree. These are young, typical college students. Only married. And with kids.
This isn’t the majority of Stern students. There are the groups of girls—though an admittedly rare species, in the Stern crowds—who sit on one side of the room swapping stories of late-night drunken revelry, while the mothers huddle together on the other, rubbing their tired eyes after an equally sleepless night of nursing. The rest of the room might be filled with women from all walks of life, foreign Frenchies to New York JAPs, who spent their night doing homework or watching TV, but the drunk/nursing contrast is a much more entertaining one to consider.
Such a well-rounded (pun completely intended) student body makes for an interesting college experience. No, we may not have the opportunity to spend lunchtime learning about the cultural diversity of the hometown of that Asian kid in our Lit class—Stern’s student population is approximately 99% Caucasian—but we’ll definitely get a glimpse into the sort of adulthood most college students won’t see up close and personal for another decade or so.
So it’s certainly interesting for us non-moms to have classmates whose responsibilities can rival those of our professors, but is it good for them? Is having children in college a good idea? Isn’t college supposed to be all about experiencing youth, and reveling in the pleasures and regrets of ill-informed decisions? Those are rather difficult to do with a baby, unless by experiencing youth you mean watching Sesame Street with said baby. Nights aren’t spent hanging out with classmates or joining in extracurricular clubs, because nights have to be spent with the husband and baby. In other words, college is not about self-involvement, but about the next stage in life: becoming part of a plural, a “we” instead of a “me.”
This is one of those situations where there’s no right or wrong. Who’s to say whether it’s better to be young and immature and reckless longer, or to settle down and begin a family sooner? For many Stern students, the year or two before college is spent in Israel learning Torah, and immersed in an intense period of introspection and self-discovery. Though this time may not include experimenting with pot or sexuality, it’s a time where– ideally, at least– each individual truly gets to know herself. Combined with other factors, like the Torah decree against pre-marital sex, and the Jewish emphasis on family, this self-awareness leads to the desire to get married and have children sooner rather than later.
And so college becomes not a phase of irresponsibility, but a necessary step in obtaining education for a future career to support the burgeoning family. Which, come to think of it, almost sounds like what college is meant to be.
