Who could have predicted that LMFAO’s 2009 Top Forty Hit would actually later double as the soundtrack for our 2012 presidential debate season? Such keen cultural insight, such profound political understanding.
Debate drinking games are all the rage right now. Facebook statuses and Twitter references are aflood.
To give a brief historical overview of the past few storied weeks: The first presidential debate was a unique mix of boredom and frustration. I suffered through an hour and a half of sobriety only to realize how completely nil my efforts were. Airwaves and post-debate conversations all sounded remarkably similar: Saturated with all the same soundbites, talking points, and opinions. Romney was aggressive and on the ball (is it aggression or rude-ness when you continually talk over the moderator and grin creepily while your opponent speaks?). Obama looked bored and kind of over it. (Though, after six years of bullshit campaigning on dead ears, being forced to haggle over red-herring politics like the ”deficit” [sorry dear Americans, but not only is the deficit never going to be balanced—most economic theory claims that it never should be] and “growing jobs,” wouldn’t you be too?).
Anyways, cut to the Vice Presidential debates this past Thursday. Oh boy were Americans excited. Sitting knee to knee around a wooden table, Paul Ryan and Joe Biden quarreled their way through an hour and a half of “divisive social issues.” Everyone cooed over how lively and aggressive each candidate was. We learned that Biden is pro-choice, Ryan is not. Biden is pro-Obamacare. Ryan is not. (I think that information is also contained on each candidate’s Wikipedia pages…) The moderator actually did her job and the candidates punched each other with emotion and pizzazz! It was, by every pundits’ account, “better.”
Which brings me to tonight: Debate Number Three. Town Hall Style. Grab your popcorn bowl and your knitting needles ladies and gents (and everyone in between) and make sure your Twitter handle is good to go. Let’s be honest though, I don’t think I can get through tonight’s debate sober. Call me a disappointed idealist but… I might end up throwing our new Carlo Rossi jug/vase at my computer in frustration. So, let the drinking begin! Err, I mean, continue! Everyone from Buzzfeed to The National Journal has a way for you to get crunked and enjoy these elections. The jokesters over at the Forward came out with a particularly salient, and Jew-larious, version; instructing a shot for everything from butchered Yiddish pronunciations (“chootzpah…”) to repeated references to “my friend Benjamin Netanyahu.” There is even a website, debatedrinking.com, devoted to steering your alcoholic journey, with personalized drinking games for each candidate and a pledge to keep count for you (to make sure your alcoholic stupor doesn’t cause you to miss out on more opportunities to be in a deeper alcoholic stupor. Let’s just say that Obama IS in fact going to say “Let Me Be Clear” about as many times as Romney says “Freedom.” You will get wasted.)
Personally, I think a better drinking game would be for the post-debate pundit-masturbation-fest (pardon my French). Take a shot for every time someone mentions the phrases: High-stakes debate, an intimate setting, acting too cool, should have been more aggressive, was fierce and strong, connected with the audience, jobs. Then, take a shot of tears for every time the actual political and social issues affecting our country are completely ignored.
