This past weekend I had one of those all-too-rare Shabbatot, where I spent the day with friends who I got to know better, and strangers who quickly became friends.
Shabbat was a mixture of eating, sleeping, and long conversations where we all shared and learned from one another. It was the kind of weekend that makes the whole week worth it, and the type of Shabbat that reminds me what I find so special about being Jewish. It also gave me a lot to think about. You see, three of the people there are openly gay Jews from Orthodox homes.
I have gay frum friends and I’ve spoken with them to some extent, but never in such depth. Never had I realized that high schoolers– minors still learning their way in the world, and who they are– are thrown out of yeshivot simply for being gay. One of my friends told me his story: he was kicked out of his high school because rumors abounded in school that he was gay. When they threw him out, he had never once acted on being gay and he wasn’t “out” to anyone but himself. Yet the school, perhaps fearing for their reputation, or afraid being gay was contagious, disallowed him to return. His favorite rabbi in the school told him never to talk to him or his children again.
I knew in an abstract sense that people in the Orthodox community can be openly homophobic. But I never realized to what extent this was true. I never realized organizations would take actions against gay children, harmless students in their most vulnerable and confusing years. I didn’t know rabbis could be fired from their positions for discussing homosexuality and men like Chaim Levin could be condemned in a newspaper for doing nothing more harmful than giving hope to other gay Orthodox Jews.
What is it about homosexuality that makes so many people so self-righteous? Not everyone– thank God, there are hundreds if not thousands of rabbis across the globe speaking up on behalf of acceptance and tolerance. But is everyone else really so holy that they’ve never committed a sin? Have they no compassion for a young boy, confused by the world around him and, worst of all, confused by himself, who’s just trying to find his way like the rest of us?
Of all the mitzvot in the Torah, the one against homosexual acts is the most confusing to me. Yes, there are bizarre mitzvot– the famous shaatnez one is a prime example– but I can’t think of any other that really makes me question the authenticity of the Torah. Don’t get me wrong– I believe the Torah comes from God, I believe every mitzvah should be kept. But that just makes it harder; I still can’t wrap my head around a mitzvah banning two people from being in love and showing that love. Not when I have friends who are gay, who are so clearly in love with their partner, and so badly want to be a part of the Orthodox community. Not when I know being gay is not a choice.
I don’t want to argue any political stance or discuss the halachot of being gay. I am neither a politician nor a rabbi. I am just an Orthodox Jew who believes that no one should be ostracized for who they are.
