5 ways to avoid battles at home while remembering battles of old
If they’re not slogging through all-nighters, most college students are already home for the break. (Unless you’re on the quarter system; we have no idea what’s going on with you guys.) After meeting liberal and left-of-center Israel activists at school, they may bring some unwelcome ideas about Israel home with them. Many parents and students will find that bringing up Israel can create an atmosphere at home almost as tense as the atmosphere on some campuses.
College, as the cliche goes, is all about discovering unfamiliar ideas, stumbling into new interests and encountering fresh ways of looking at the world. At least, that’s what our parents always said, staring off all misty-eyed at the dinner table while recounting the glories of their radical days. But the dinner table is about to get a little more interesting. The Israel that many Jews hear about on campus today isn’t the same place they remember from Hebrew school.
Rebecca Powell, a junior at the University of California, Berkeley, wrote an op-ed for the Los Angeles Jewish Journal last week, an open letter to our parents’ generation. “As much as you may think we don’t listen, you may be surprised to find that we aren’t sullen teenagers anymore. We listened. We are studying at 2 a.m., joining clubs, making new friends and, most of all, thinking critically. About everything. Including Israel,” she wrote.
Back on the home front, parents are biting their nails over that kind of language, preparing for a potential conflict with their kids that could make the Maccabees’ battle with the Greeks look like game of dreidel. Only this time, children will challenge the Israeli government and treatment of Palestinians while the parents represent the old-guard, conservative Zionism.
But never fear: There’s a silver lining. These reunions need not end in shouting matches or tears. On the contrary, both parents and students have something beautiful to gain from discussing Israel this winter. With that in mind, we’ve thought of five things for parents to keep in mind and five things for students to keep in mind as this conversation heats up:
Parents:
- We have not been brainwashed.
- But we might have learned something worth hearing. You may not have had access to the new viewpoints that we have the opportunity to learn about in college today. You came home from college with heads full of ideas your parents had no chance to encounter; allow for the possibility that the thing might happen to us. There are real injustices going in Israel and we hear about them with a frequency and from a perspective that it’s impossible to encounter at the JCC.
- We have whole academic departments for this stuff now. Middle Eastern studies departments are far more common than they were in your day. Some of us have devoted some time to studying Israel and the Palestinians in an academic setting. If we haven’t met Palestinians in person, we’ve encountered students and professors who have.
- Our Israel is your Israel, even if it looks a little different. We may protest the Israeli Defense Force’s use of excessive military force, the building of settlements and walls and the humiliation of Palestinians at Israeli checkpoints. Despite that, we are not arguing for an end to Israel, but for a vision of our Jewish homeland that doesn’t look exactly like yours.
- Shut up and listen. We are still pro-Israel. We, and our ideas, deserve a seat at the Jewish communal table — not to mention the dinner table. So resist the urge to correct us and listen to what we have to say before you jump in.
Students:
- Our parents weren’t born yesterday.
- They might have some historical perspective worth hearing. It’s painfully hard to realize — and even more difficult to admit — but our parents have formed their opinions based on decades of experience. They vividly remember portions of Israeli history that prefigure our births and that may have provided them with some wisdom to impart. They remember the numerous wars waged by Arab nations to wipe out the Jewish one. We must open our minds to the possibility that current Israeli policies are not built solely on paranoia and racism.
- That intro-level course is only going to get us so far. Getting an A in Introduction to the Modern Middle East or meeting somebody who grew up in East Jerusalem or Ramallah does not make you an expert.
- Their Israel is our Israel, even if it looks a little different. Their beloved Labor Party’s role may have declined over the years, but there’s plenty of inspiration to be had from Israel’s more liberal past. Jaded, they may not believe that part of Israel’s legacy is relevant anymore, but it’s worth hearing about.
- Shut up and listen. They’re not Arab-hating fascists. Their ideas are worth hearing. So when you’re done telling them about what you’ve learned, get ready to do some listening.
If nothing else, remember that it’s important to stay grounded and recognize that, as Powell put it, “everybody has a story, but […] make sure that you check up on the validity of arguments.” You can’t believe everything you read and hear. (That goes for parents and students.)
When you’re sitting down to light the menorah, think about starting a new tradition: talk about Israel. Because if we can’t talk to the people closest to us about the issues we really care about, there’s no hope for peace — at home or anywhere else.
New Voices editorials reflect the opinion of the New Voices editorial board.
