Lo, when Moses didst return from the mountain, he spake unto the people: “People!” And the people didst say, “Yeah?” And, in his best Charlton Heston voice, Moses proclaimed, “I have many words from the Almighty—about ten-ish.” Verily, Moses gave the people the commandments, a lesser known of which was, “THOU SHALT MAKE CHINTZY RELIGIOUS PARAPHERNALIA IN MY IMAGE.”
And thus was born McMoses Enterprises, which has given birth to some of the strangest crossovers in both religious and merchandising history.
Unnecessary religious versions of already existing products are getting more common all the time. While the use of technology in the ongoing cannibalism of secular culture into Jewier alternatives isn’t quite at a breakneck pace, it’s all a matter of time before it finally becomes an actual trend. Let it be known that we saw this coming and thought of it first. After all, Hipster Jew recently pointed out a Hasidic answer to Facebook.
Case in point: “Judoku,” an app that allows you to play an altered form of Sudoku using Hebrew letters and religious symbols instead. This is not exactly a horrible idea. When I think bad religious gaming, I’m thinking Super Noah’s Ark 3D for the Super Nintendo. (Look it up at your own risk–and bring liquor.)
Still, did we need a Jewish Sudoku? Is Sudoku how the goyim entice us to assimilate? (What do the numbers mean?!)
Confession: I haven’t actually played Judoku. I’m not sure how it works as an app, though in some ways I’m charmed by the cheesiness of it all. Yet, the other part of my brain can’t get over the bizarre need to absorb fragments of secular culture and recast it in a frummier light.
Judoku doesn’t look boring—at least no more boring than regular Sudoku, but it doesn’t have quite the same appeal as, say, Angry Jews. Angry Jews, for those who don’t know, is an app inspired by Angry Birds, where the player controls a gaggle of Haredi Jews by flinging them at security guards in open parking lots on Shabbat. By comparison, lining up Hebrew symbols to complete a puzzle doesn’t promise that same adrenaline rush.
If Judoku is any indication, however, it probably means the Tribe is crossing over into the realm of the App Store. Perhaps like Angry Birds Seasons, Jewish developers could create holiday or Israeli-themed games for Jews of all ages. Think Potch-a-Haman instead of Whack-a-Mole around Purim. Or KibbutzVille. Or even PocketG-d.
If you have any suggestions, leave them in the comments.
