A lot of things suck about Jewish eating culture, like keeping kosher, keeping kosher for Passover, and the fact that the kosher Dunkin Donuts at 86th and Amsterdam in Manhattan closes at 9 p.m.
But fasting is the worst.
I should say now that I’m actually a pretty good faster. I drink enough before the fast to stay hydrated, I don’t get headaches or dizziness and I manage to be pretty productive when I have to go to work. On Tisha B’Av in 2008, I took a long walk with a friend on a hot Jerusalem summer day and then helped a cabbie fix a flat tire. He gave me a free ride afterwards.
So I’m not saying that fasting sucks because it makes me sick or incapacitates me. Rather, it sucks because it means I have to go a whole day without food, and I like food. I especially like food in New York, where there are approximately 27.8 kosher restaurants per square mile that I can eat at often, which I do.
But I can’t on fast days, because they suck.
Consider my dilemma now. As of the writing of this post, there are about three hours to go until the fast ends. I will be sharing a late dinner with my gracious fiancee, who would be eating circa now had I not been fasting, and it’s up to me to choose the cuisine. Now, I want pizza, but I also want Asian food. On a normal day, this would be no problem: pizza for lunch, Asian for dinner.
But guess what? I didn’t have lunch today. Guess why.
I get it. I have a pretty good knowledge of Jewish history, and I understand why we’re fasting today. Romans, blah blah. Jerusalem, blah blah. I learned that Mishna in sixth grade, and I got an A- in Mishna class, so you could call me an expert. But that doesn’t mean I like food any less.
In two hours and forty eight minutes, this will all be over. I’ll be shoving spring rolls into my mouth and patting myself on the back. But right now that moment seems like it will never come.
And the worst part? I won’t even be able to go to the Dunkin Donuts for dessert, because it closes at 9 p.m.
