A change in me

Sweat clings to my face as stale air gets whipped around by my laughably small room fan. I stare at the keys of my computer because, for once, I don’t know what to say in my blog post. I could talk about the weather, which is unbelievably humid and unpleasant. Or I could talk about the campus-wide scramble to figure out housing for next year, which is just as unpleasant, but less humid. My friend suggested that I write about how far I have come; how much I have changed in the last year. At the time I told him that idea made no sense. But, here I am, pondering my progress.

The question on my mind is whether I have changed or not. I suppose, my confidence has done some nose dives and some wild leaps. I have new circles of friends and much heavier responsibilities. But none of it really feels different. I still love to climb and to sing. I still watch food network and Disney movies religiously. And Debbie Freidman still has the power to sing me to sleep at night.

However, my connection with Judaism has strengthened immensely this year and has intertwined with my daily identity in a positive way.  Also, I am now better able to take a joke. As a result, I have cast aside my adolescent feminist rage and am able to logically think through controversial issues. I feel more balanced than I did in high school both academically and socially. In the place of chaotic, forty minute high school lunch periods, my friends and I sit and talk for hours at the dinner table. From those hours in the cafeteria, I discovered that there is a lot less urgency in college. There’s plenty of time to get to class and, since we apparently don’t sleep, there’s always time for social interaction before homework.

I guess I have grown quite a lot as a person and as a student. In addition to everything above, I am more confident in my academic abilities and more comfortable with myself. Responsibility no longer frightens me and I am well on my way to establishing my individual identity. Maybe I’ve changed more than I thought.