I have a confession to make. Deep breath.
Last Saturday was my very first experience with Hillel at the University of Colorado at Boulder. And it was … disappointing.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Why, pray tell, did I wait until the fifth Yom Kippur of my undergraduate career to check out the main hub of Jewish student life on campus?
Most of my immediate family lives just 45 minutes from Boulder. Every year for the better part of the last decade, I have attended high holidays services with my family and a progressive Reconstructionist community in Denver and I generally retreat to my parents’ house for our small Passover seder (complete with our own family-written Haggadah) come springtime. I’ve never had need of the Hillel holiday services that I might have if I had attended university out of state.
I had my Jewish community and could see no reason to find out what this Hillel was all about.
This year, I decided to branch out. I was going to go for it (after attending Kol Nidre and morning services with my usual congregation, of course). Hillel here I come!
Alas, the Hillel services were not as I had hoped they would be. It was stuffy. It was stodgy. It was, well, depressing. Granted, the Yizkor service is all about memorializing and mourning the dead, but the Neilah service really doesn’t need to be such a downer.
My complaints (and let’s be clear, I kvetch out of love) will probably seem strange to many Jews. There was a severe lack of transliteration and a majority of the service was Hebrew recited by solely by the leader of the makeshift congregation. I don’t like turning to the East and praying toward Israel, and all that begging God forgiveness for our sins stuff really doesn’t do it for me. Though, I very much liked that every time masculine, patriarchal and paternalist references to God appeared, our lay leader changed them to be more gender neutral. And she wore a tallis to boot! How very Reconstructionist of you Hillel. Kudos! And we skipped right over that problematic Leviticus 18, whew.
Oh and Hillel, I love bagels don’t get me wrong, but next year when organizing Break Fast, I have just one word for you: potluck. I’ll bring the Mandelbrot.
You might be thinking at this point, that I’m completely nuts; that’s how it’s done, that’s what Yom Kippur is all about (hours on end in temple, just trying to get through the siddur, staring off into space fantasizing about the kugel and bagels you will soon be thrusting haphazardly toward your face). Insight, introspection, and maybe even a little fun, just aren’t on the menu.
You’re probably right. But, I can barely remember attending a service that didn’t involve musicians and singing, poetry and interpretation, deconstruction and practicality. Nearly every portion in Hebrew in the siddur at my congregation has been transliterated for those of us whose Hebrew language skills are, shall we say, not vast. Almost everything is recited as a congregation and on the sides of the siddur there are reconstructed translations, interpretations and alternatives. It’s lively, it’s interactive, it’s participatory. It’s less about gaining God’s forgiveness and more about asking forgiveness of ourselves, our friends, our families and our communities for those wrongs that we have done in the past year and contemplating in what ways we can continue the process of being better humans and better Jews in the coming year.
I’ve been spoiled, I know. And I’m also well aware that my particular flavor of Jewishness is not for everybody.
In fact, I had a fascinating encounter with a lovely young woman at the Boulder JCC the next day. She had just moved to Boulder and the subject of my first Hillel experience came up. She agreed, services at Hillel just weren’t appealing. But she was certainly no Reconstructionist. She came from the other side of the spectrum; she thought Hillel was just too loosey-goosey and non-traditional!
It’s all a matter of perspective I suppose.
But I am not deterred. Although the Hillel services made me appreciate Reconstructionism all the more, I will continue my flirtations with Hillel and hopefully during my last semester, I can develop a full-fledged healthy relationship with the center of the Jewish student world.
Please share your experiences with Hillel on your own campuses, past or present. Comment below!
