“People write ‘fag’ on Ely Winkler’s campaign signs,” said Avi Kopstick, the president of Yeshiva University’s Tolerance Club, regarding what has happened to one of the club’s members in his run for student government.
Others compare Kopstick’s being gay “to adulterers or people who commit bestiality or incest,” he said.
Kopstick founded the Tolerance club after the school newspaper, the Yeshiva University (YU) Commentator, published an anonymous letter by a gay student about the challenges of being homosexual on campus. The club faced significant opposition from socially conservative elements of the student body as an internal debate ensued about the group’s purpose: was it a club to promote activism or a support group for homosexuals and others who did not fit in?
Homophobic attitudes at YU—which stem from the categorical prohibition of homosexuality in halakha, or traditional Jewish law—seem not to have changed in the year since the Tolerance Club’s founding but the club has succeeded in making waves in the Orthodox community, holding a panel last month titled “Being Gay in the Orthodox World: A Conversation with Members of the YU Community.”
The panel, which included Kopstick and three other gay YU students and was moderated by Rabbi Yosef Blau—YU’s mashgiach ruchani, or spiritual guide—discussed not the halakhic prohibition of homosexuality but rather the experiences of homosexuals growing up in an intolerant atmosphere. One of the event’s principal goals was to change that atmosphere.
Panelists appealed to their personal stories to draw support from the crowd, which numbered over 700. Mordechai Levovitz told of how he was pulled out of camp at age ten for confessing his attraction to other boys and of his teacher calling his homosexuality “evil” four years later.
“A 14-year old boy is evil?” he asked.
Joshua Teplitsky, a YU alumnus, said that the intolerance of homosexuality drove him to suicidal thoughts as he discovered his sexual orientation.
“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have thoughts of ending my life at that time,” he said. “The whole future, raising a family and raising a family of Jewish existence all melted away.”
The prospect of no Jewish family of his own also drove Kopstick to tears.
“I fought for six years, every Rosh Hashanah, denying who I am, every Yom Kippur with tears streaming down my face asking God to take it away,” he said. He added that he told his mother, ‘Your perfect Avi who you thought was going to give you tons of grandchildren is no longer perfect,”
And Kopstick said that he still faces discrimination at YU. People ask Kopstick’s roommate if he is scared of Kopstick “coming on to him at night” and classmates of Kopstick still make homophobic comments in front of him in class.
YU’s gay students also face opposition from the institution, which issued a statement after the event stating that “Public gatherings addressing these issues, even when well-intentioned, could send the wrong message and obscure the Torah’s requirements of halakhic behavior and due modesty,” which could “erode the Torah’s unequivocal condemnation” of homosexuality.
But Kopstick understands that widespread attitudes seldom change after one year of activism and that the club, however embattled, is making progress. In addition, many who attended the panel expressed support for the gay students and hope for greater tolerance in the future.
“Two years ago, this wouldn’t have been possible,” said Moshe, a student at the Yeshiva of Flatbush High School. “Today, we’re not trembling before God alone. We have our community by our side.”
And as the conversation in the YU community continues, Kopstick notes that this is not an issue he or his classmates can ignore.
“My test is not that [God] made me gay and I have to become straight,” he said. “My test is to live with it.”
