Mazel Tov on Your Beer Mitzvah

The Shmaltz Brewing Company, known for its He’brew: The Chosen Beer, is celebrating its thirteenth anniversary with a special new brew, The Jewbelation Bar Mitzvah.  It will feature 13 hops, 13 malts, and a 13% alcohol content.  In addition to the 13-themed beer, Shmaltz is running a bar mitzvah photo contest, giving awards in categories such as “most awkward moment,” “best braces,” and “youngest looking ‘adult.’”

In a semi-related vein, this past Shabbat marked the seventh anniversary of my own bat mitzvah, and my younger sister will become a bat mitzvah in the fall- a topic of frequent discussion among my family members.  As a result, even before I stumbled upon this article, I’ve recently been reflecting on the humor in declaring 13 year olds to be “adults.”  When used with regard to most modern American b’nai mitzvah, this seems especially ridiculous since in this context the title means that the teen to which it refers has a big party, can stop going to Hebrew school, and receives some sweet gifts (many of which will fund their college education several years down the road, when they’re much closer to adulthood in every other sense of the word).

Vast quantities of time and space have been spent criticizing that type of bar mitzvah and searching for ways to reinvest it with meaning as a celebration of Jewish adulthood and of newfound obligation to fulfill the commandments.  Though I’ve been known to partake in it, that rhetoric is quickly becoming as boring as a speech that begins “Dear Rabbi, Cantor, family, and friends.  In my Torah portion…” Moreover, it also seems inherently flawed- even though they’re obligated to perform mitzvot, 13 year olds simply aren’t adults.

Therefore, I’m thankful to the Shmaltz Brewing Company for highlighting the absurdity of prepubescent adulthood by simply embracing the extreme awkwardness of the entire bar mitzvah experience- without trying to rationalize it.  So, to the Shmaltz Brewing Company: Mazel tov on your bar mitzvah, and welcome to Jewish adulthood.  But remember, even though you’re now an “adult,” you won’t be allowed to drink the new brew until you turn 21.