A Requiem

You always remember your first. Mine was on a boat in the Hudson River. It was dark, and the wind across the top deck was cold. Some of the savvier kids were drinking a bottle of something expensive that they had grabbed from the bar while the bartender was looking the other way. Downstairs, everyone danced to “I’m a Barbie Girl.” I took a deep breath.

Yes, it was my first absurdly extravagant Bar Mitzvah. Over the next year, I would spend Saturday nights in clubs, ballrooms, and on few more boats. I came to recognize the guy who brought the virtual reality snowboarding arcade game, the guy who made street signs with your name on them, the guy who made the wax mold of your hand, and the various DJs and their harems. It was something extraordinary-a display of affluence only possible once every few generations.

Today, as young parents’ 401(k)s evaporate into nothing, it seems inevitable that the expensive Bar Mitzvah parties we once knew will soon be a thing of the past. In honor of those remarkable evenings, we offer a series of recollections by of our readers of The Most Extravagant Bar Mitzvah They Ever Saw.

1.

I spent the fall semester of my senior year of high school in Israel. Towards the end of the semester, we spent a week hiking in the Negev, close to Eilat. A few days into the hike, already covered in grit and the grease of our own hair, we stumbled across preparations for big party in a wide spot in a deep ravine. There were huge tents with big pillows and armchairs, a big speaker system, and hookahs on every table.

We walked past the preparations, on to another wide spot in the ravine where we sat down to eat lunch. After a few minutes, a Jeep flew by, all decked out like in a Jeep commercial with lights and brush guards-the whole nine yards. Riding inside were some very clean Americans wearing shirts and hats all bearing the same logo-a white hamsa [protecting hand] on a bright blue field with three English letters monogrammed in the middle.

A few more Jeeps went by. One got stuck. The driver got out to inspect a tire and I started chatting with the balding guy riding shotgun. He was wearing a shirt with the logo and a hat with the logo and a jacket with the logo. The Jeep had a flag with the logo. I asked the guy what all this was. “A Bar Mitzvah party,” he said. Apparently, they had a ceremony at the Wall the day before and now were on their way to party in the ravine. The letters in the hamsa were the initials of Bar Mitzvah boy’s name.

I asked where they were from, guessing I already knew the answer. “Long Island,” he said. I was right.

David A.M. Wilensky

2.

I went to one at a loft in SoHo. There was a man making custom lollipops. So you’d say, “I want an elephant lollipop,” and he would take melted sugar and form it in the shape of an elephant for you. It was more like a carnival than anything else.

Anonymous

3.

I used to work at the S____ at Lido Beach [on Long Island]. Once I worked a New Year’s Eve Bar Mitzvah with glow-in-the-dark dancers. They had a giant ball that exploded at midnight and sent tons of confetti all over. And they had one of those booths that you stand in and money blows around you and you have to try to catch it. The party went on forever. At like 2 AM, when we finally sent everyone home, there was a breakfast buffet with bagels and newspapers.

Anonymous

4.

I saw a Bar Mitzvah [in Montreal] where they built an ice castle inside [an event hall]. The blocks of ice were piled 12 feet high. When it all melted, it overflowed onto the floors and ruined the beautiful parquet. No problem-they had it all rebuilt and didn’t blink.

Anonymous

5.

Oh God, I even remember her name. Courtney S., from Hewlett, [Long Island]. There were people walking around on stilts. A limo picked us up. And when we left there were vans filled with candy for us take home. And there was a fuckin’ carousel!

Jessica Glickman

6.

The most preposterous Bat Mitzvah I’ve attended took place at the G____ Hotel. The girl and her sisters all wore what looked like wedding gowns. The adults wore tuxedoes. An Israeli boys’ choir sang in the lobby before the party began. Upstairs, in a vestibule near the elevators, there were lavish tables covered in ice sculptures in the shapes of tropical fruit. After passing through a long hallway filled with arcade games and a racetrack for remote-controlled cars, we arrived at the ballroom. After about ten minutes, we noticed that the Bat Mitzvah girl was missing. After about five minutes more, the large double-doors opened to reveal the Bat Mitzvah girl in a chariot pulled by-wait for it-a white horse. As she alighted, a few of the invitees whispered to each other in awe. The rest of us just groaned.

J.N.