“It Takes Two (Eggs to Make a Matzoh Brei)”
Sung/rapped to the tune and flow of “It Takes Two” by Rob Base (chorus: “It takes two to make a thing go right, It takes two to make it outta sight”)
It takes two eggs to make a matzoh brei
It takes two eggs to make the matzoh fry
Stir it!
I wanna cook right now
so the taste can take the whole town
It’s not internationally known
But it’s known to rock in Ashkelon
‘Cause it’s unleavened and delicious
Eat this s— ’cause Egyptians were malicious
‘Cause I’m a nosher, no, I’m not a shmoozer
To be a kosher chef, is what I choose’a
Yentas love it, shiksa ‘dore it
I mean even the ones who never ate it, Like
the way that it goes down slow
The reason why, man, rabbis know
So get yoke, ’cause
It takes two eggs to make a matzoh brei
It takes two eggs to make the matzoh fry
Stir it!
The New Vices Easy Matzoh Brei Recipe
1) Take three matzohs and break into pieces. Place the matzoh pieces in a large bowl and soak in water for a minute. Drain off water.
2) Beat two eggs in a second small bowl. Add a little bit of milk. (Just a little, mind you! A few tablespoons.)
3) Pour beaten eggs over wet matzoh pieces and stir together.
4) Melt two tablespoons of margarine (or butter) in a large frying pan.
5) Fry matzoh/egg mixture in the pan, until it’s done. (Not too dry and not too mushy. Just right.)
6) Add salt/applesauce/sour-cream/syrup/jam/honey/ sardines as you like.
7) Recipe serves one to two people. If you want to serve more people increase matzohs and eggs proportionately. But the rap song only works if you serve one to two people because if you served more people you’d need more than two eggs. We’d have stipulated that in the rap song, but “It takes two eggs to make a matzoh brei that serves one to two people” just doesn’t flow as well.
