Guide to the Perplexing

Written by New Voices

Tribunal Tirade, Egregious Entertainment, Unorthodox Outreach
Temple Tantrum

Messianic predictions are as ubiquitous in the Holy Land as leaks in Boston’s Big Dig. But though they issued a standard declaration of messianic imminence, the assembly of 71 that gathered in Jerusalem last October were no apocalyptic amateurs. No, according to the Jerusalem Post, this was a group of rabbinical throwbacks bubbling over with plans to create a modern-day Sanhedrin–a religious court a la ancient Israel–and to overthrow the Israeli government in favor of good old-fashioned monarchy.

This will be the first Sanhedrin in 1,600 years. To live up to such a tall order, the latter-day tribunal lobby, commonly known as the Monarchists, won’t be led by any Hymie or Mendel. Rather, the group has been hunting for the candidate with the best Davidic pedigree–the hereditary prerequisite for being Israel’s monarch, not to mention messiah. After intensive bloodline investigations of families suspected of bearing close lineage to the rock-slinging ancient, the group has found a winner: Rabbi Yosef Dayan, hailing from the West Bank settlement of Pesagot. Dayan is best known for public death threats against current Prime Minister Ariel Sharon. And since he is the only candidate to hold grade-A proofs of Davidic ancestral descent, he’s highly popular among his followers (despite rumors of a vicious attack campaign from “Swift Tabernacle Toters for Truth”).

Their leader selected, the group is considering the thorny issue of how to topple a modern democratic state in favor of ancient-style theocracy. Dayan sees two possible routes: the nation itself may shake off the yoke of democracy, resulting in a coup that brings Dayan to power. Or, just maybe, he told Post reporters, a cosmological transformation will take place, resulting in the institution of the monarchy. This latter, more enigmatic option–a scenario in which, Dayan explained, “no one will know how it will be until it happens”–was predicted by twelfth-century philosopher Maimonides, and Dayan maintains it is the more plausible of the possibilities.

Though most compare the Monarchists’ legitimacy to that of a French “Sanhedrin” convened by Napoleon in 1807 for the purpose of curtailing Jews’ rights, the judges themselves are keeping busy. Among their recent initiatives is the erection of a Passover altar on the Temple Mount, hopefully to result in reinstitution of the pre-destruction sacrificial lamb ceremony. The Sanhedrin helpfully offers followers two methods for accomplishing the sacred rite: either build and avail yourself of the altar very quickly–before Israeli security gets its hands on you–or await another Tsunami-like disaster that would render security ineffective. With recommendations like this one, the Sanhedrin is sure to make a name for itself in no time flat.

Alicia Oltuski is a junior at the University of Pennsylvania.

Moniker Modification

That Wednesday morning, as I entered the Minneapolis courtroom with Rahima and her boyfriend, we were all nervous. We didn’t know what to expect, and Rahima’s lawyer had mentioned this particular judge was a bit of a stickler. But Rahima wasn’t going to be put off by a little discomfort–her mission was too important.

Meet Rahima Islam. Though, after our court date, she was Rahima Schwenkbeck. A third-year business student in the Carlson School of Management at the University of Minnesota, Rahima is converting to Judaism. And this isn’t just any conversion; she is changing her name to do it.

Rahima’s was no spur-of-the-moment identity-swap: Islam had been her last name since birth and she had been uncomfortable with it for nearly as long. Rahima spent years in search of “the raddest name ever,” she says, but when current events coincided with her conversion classes, she decided the time had come. Immediately after September 11th, Rahima explains, she had visions of the detainment camps– horrors that Asian Americans faced after the attacks on Pearl Harbor–and the possibility of this occurring again to anyone with, she said, an “Arab appearance or name” worried her. When President Bush was reelected this past November, she decided to speed up the process. So on December 15, 2004, with her boyfriend and I as witnesses, Rahima arrived at the Hennepin County Courthouse to have her name changed.

As a kid, Rahima didn’t belong to any particular religion. Her mother practices Sufism, which appreciates most faiths, and has passed on many of her Sufi teachings to Rahima. But her mother didn’t expect Rahima to follow in her footsteps, and telling her that in her own good time she would find a path to God. Rahima began researching different religions, and while reading about Judaism, she came across a story about how some Jews view converts as those who return to the tribe after being lost. The story rang true to Rahima; as she read on, she says, she “felt an instant click.”

After much deliberation, Rahima settled on Judaism as her new religious path. The only hitch? She was embarrassed to share her last name with a rabbi. When she did, though, and mentioned her plan to change it, her rabbi was surprised. She explained that there was no reason Rahima needed to change her name, and that it would have been all right to be Jewish with Islam as a surname. Nevertheless, she said, she would support Rahima in her decision. Rahima’s glad: she says her newfound comfort with her name is making the conversion much more natural.

Rahima switched monikers with an eye toward expressing her new Jewish identity. Because of her close relationship with her mother, Rahima chose Schwenkbeck, her mother’s maiden name, as her new one. “And,” she jokes in her only-Rahima humor, “later on, I can always have it changed again!”

That morning, the change certainly felt real. The judge called Rahima and party to the bench, and asked her to state and spell her name. Then the judge turned to Rahima’s boyfriend and myself, and asked whether, to our knowledge, everything Rahima stated was true, and whether we thought this name change was a good idea. There was no thinking twice for any of us.

Liz Orenstein is a senior at the University of Minnesota and a WebWire co-editor.

Copy Clatch

“God gave you your whole life. The least you can do is give him one minute of your time,” said a black-clad, peyos-sporting preadolescent perched in a Chabad Lubavitch Mitzvah Mobile. He was scolding a passerby for an inadequate response to the question–“You Jewish?”–that many New Yorkers face at certain times of the year–usually from Chabadniks, and often ones who are leaning out of Winnebagos plastered with pinups of Rebbe Schneerson. Yes, Chabad–the ubiquitous Orthodox group that maintains Jewish houses around the globe–has enjoyed a monopoly on the Jewish outreach game for years, providing programming to Jews everywhere, and in some places serving as the only Jewish presence around.

But Chabad had better watch its back. A group of recent graduates are cooking up a plan for a new kind of Jewish outreach house–and this one is grassroots, youth-run, and progressive. “The idea of Kavod,” explains Margie Klein, a recent Yale graduate and one of the project’s five founders, “is to create Jewish communal houses that would welcome a diverse group of Jewish twenty-somethings for Shabbat dinners and other types of programming.” The group’s preliminary plans for the houses include such events as “radical Jewish thought potlucks,” fundraising parties for progressive Jewish causes, and late-night singing and prayer on Shabbat. Most importantly, the group will devote significant efforts to reaching out to other progressive and unaffiliated Jews by attending political, social justice, and cultural events and encouraging new acquaintances to join them at Kavod. “Originally Kavod was called Radical Chabad,” says Klein. “We liked Chabad because it welcomes people for programming and more Jewish involvement. But their political message was not as fulfilling–we want to use their model of outreach to fit our values.”

Kavod’s founding members took their inspiration from experiences with Fruity Jews in the Woods, which Klein explains is a “pluralistic, artsy, social justice-oriented gathering which meets in the northeast once or twice a year.” Klein loved the independence, lack of institutionalization, progressive politics, and Jewish spirit, as did Joseph Gindi, Frances Kreimer, Benj Kamm, and Zach Teutsch, and they began looking for a way to recreate Fruity Jews’ activities and attitude in “the real world” and year-round.

The project speaks to the organized Jewish community’s concerns about high levels of unaffiliated younger Jews. But Kavod will be different from the array of programming seeking to engage this demographic, because it is not only conceived for young Jews, but by them as well. It seeks to tap into existing communities of progressive, unorthodox Jews who currently have few networks and no home base. “We do not fall along traditional denominational lines, and are attracted to pluralistic models that bring together Jews of different backgrounds,” explains its mission statement. “We want to take ownership of our own Jewish life.”

The Kavod houses are still in their early development stages: “It’s not a 501c(3),” explains Gindi, “it’s an idea with legs.” The Kavodniks hope to launch a test house in Washington, DC next year, and once that house is functioning, the group will fine-tune its mission and methods and seek broader financial support. After that, “I think we would like to see growth to other cities,” says Gindi, but most importantly, Kavod will retain its member-defined mission and its openness to all who seek it out. New Voices commends the Kavod founders, but strongly urges the group to consider a bulk purchase of Mitzvah Mobiles, which we believe to be the true key to successful Jewish outreach.

– Miriam Felton-Dansky

Video Shame

What with all the recent fuss over “Grand Theft Auto” promoting violence and hatred, New Voices decided to see if it really was the baddest kid on the block. As it turns out, Grand Theft Auto is practically Pac-Man compared to some other forms of entertainment. Luckily for all its fans, we’ve compiled the worst offenders here so that Jews everywhere can worry more, and “Grand Theft Auto”’s critics a little less.

Ethnic Cleansing: Don’t expect to find this one anywhere but in the deep recesses of rural Michigan basements. “Ethnic Cleansing”’s release from Resistance Records, a major distributor of skinhead music, earned it a letter of protest from the ADL. We can’t exactly blame them: it’s a white-supremacist role-playing game, in which players control a KKK-card-carrying protagonist in a scenario where “sub-humans” have taken over New York City; Jews are the masters of the underworld with blacks and Latinos as their lackeys. The player’s goal? To knock out as many of the lackeys as possible before following subway tunnels to the Jews–who say “Oy!” when they die–and their leader, a hook-nosed Ariel Sharon. We’re assuming the swastika armband is sold separately.

Special Force: Bet you didn’t know that Hezbollah, the Lebanese terrorist group best known for launching attacks on Israeli towns in the Galilee, also dabbles in children’s entertainment. That’s right, “Special Force,” the military group’s first known foray into the toy industry, is partially based on real-life “operations” against Israeli towns and uses maps authentic to the military wing’s plans of the Holy Land. The creators of the game told the New York Times that they hoped it would help instill Hezbollah’s “values” in Lebanese youth, ensuring that missile maniacs too young to participate in the real thing won’t feel left out.

Under Ash: “Under Ash,” released by Afkar Media in 2001, features a young Palestinian protagonist–similar to many of the game’s consumers–who, like some of them, joins the armed Intifada. The main character battles Israeli soldiers on realistic landscapes using weapons that range from stones to grenade launchers. The Lebanese Daily Star reports that 15,000 copies of “Under Ash” were sold in the Middle East, while many more were downloaded from the United States. The game’s creators have said that they intended it to present war scenarios reflective of Palestinians’ reality, and accordingly, when a player in “Under Ash” is killed, a message appears telling them that the Israelis will find their ID card, destroy their house, and torture their family. No word as to whether revisions are planned following Israel’s recent commitment to cease demolishing the dwellings of suicide bombers.

Under Siege: A recently updated version of “Under Ash,” which, according to the Daily Star, opens with a scene in Hebron’s Tomb of the Patriarchs. Muslims are peacefully at prayer, when Baruch Goldstein makes a sudden entrance and begins his infamous shooting spree. The player’s task is to dodge Goldstein’s bullets while firing their own at him, and keeping the worshippers safe all the while. Another scene takes place in Jenin, where a female fighter hands her child to a family member before throwing a grenade at Israeli soldiers; still others replicate additional locations and scenarios from the recent Intifada. But compared to the rest, “Under Siege” and “Under Ash” have principles: any time the player kills a civilian, Israeli or Palestinian, they are rewarded with a swift “Game Over.”

– Miriam Felton-Dansky

Comments

Add New

< Prev		Next >

[ Back ]

Current Issue

Copyright (C) 2007 Alain Georgette / Copyright (C) 2006 Frantisek Hliva. All rights reserved.