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Sharon's Stomach Crosses Into West Bank, Middle East Agreement Reached, Etc. Sharon's Stomach Crosses Into West Bank Arafat calls for team of international weight watchers A three-day truce between the Israelis and Palestinians was broken today when Ariel Sharon's stomach crossed into Palestinian-controlled territory early this morning. According to witnesses, the Israeli prime minister was standing outside of his Jerusalem residence eating beef-filled borekas when his bloated gut inched outward across the border. In a hastily organized press conference, Palestinian Authority Chairman Yasser Arafat called the encroachment of Sharon's stomach a threat to Palestinian nationalism and demanded that international observers come to the region to monitor Sharon's boreka intake. "Sharon's stomach just keeps getting bigger and bigger," Arafat said. "At this rate there will be no territory left to fight over in a few months." Sharon, in turn, angrily denounced the call for observers. "I refuse to halt the natural growth of my stomach," Sharon declared as reporters anxiously sought to maneuver themselves around his enormous belly. "Besides," Sharon added, "it's not like Arafat is Calista Flockhart or something." Sharon later apologized when a reporter pointed out to him that Arafat is, in fact, Calista Flockhart. Middle East Agreement Reached Israelis and Palestinians agree to disagree on the value of one another's lives After eight days of intense negotiations, Israeli and Palestinian representatives emerged from closed-door meetings at Camp David this afternoon to announce that a groundbreaking new agreement had been reached in the more than 100-year-old conflict between the two peoples. After posing for several smiling handshakes with his Palestinian partners, chief Israeli negotiator Dror Ben-Adril announced that the meetings had led to a historic and unprecedented moment of shared understanding. Said Ben-Adril, "The Israeli and Palestinian peoples have formally agreed to disagree on the value of each other's lives." Added Palestinian negotiator Abu Alcaselzer, his arm held aloft by President George W. Bush, "This agreement marks an important new era. For the first time ever Israelis and Palestinians can kill one another with integrity." BREAKING NEWS: Anti-Defecation League Calling for Ban on Fiber Cereals Citing Poor Sales, Publishers Cancel Second Printing of Idiot's Guide to Davening Shabbes Mincha
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