The Conspiracy

The Haredim Meme [Humor]

"So then I said to Shlomo, 'Poke her?! I haven't even seen her ankles yet!'" | Photo by Flickr user The Daring Librarian (CC BY-SA 2.0)

You may not have heard, but there’s this new thing all the hip kids are using now, called the Internet. It’s the only place you can find bigfoot porn and chinchillas playing piano seconds apart from each other. And there are useful, sane things too. For instance, we can do all our banking online, learn a new language, etc. But apparently the Internet, with all its pictures of Lady Gaga wearing Kermit the Frog, and Uncle Dolan comics (shiver) was too good to last. That’s right, the Haredim (Ultra-Orthodox Jews… or is that ultra ultra…? maximum-Orthodox…? uber-Dox…?) have decided to take it on. And when the Haredim take something on, it goes away. Like women wearing pants. And pluralism. And science.

How do they plan to fight this technological menace? A demonstration. And how do I know this? Because the Internet told m– wait, what? In a statement explaining the gathering, the following was said:

“It is well known that in recent times that through the Internet many serious family-related problems have been created, and it all happens because of it, and something must be done so they won’t be hurt.”

On the surface, this is another hilarious story of an extremely religious sect pulling an awkward turtle in an attempt to defy the ever-changing modern world. Laughs will be had by all, except it seems, by the Haredim, who haven’t seen “Charlie bit me” yet. While it’s easy to mock the reaction these groups have to the “real world” (so, so easy), it’s also a little tragic to hear. The sentiment expressed in the statement is a fair one.

The modern family is changing. While many of these changes are for the better, divorce, abuse and the general growing apart of relationships aren’t something to sniff at. Increased communications technology has both enhanced and reduced our ability to connect with one another without Bluetooth, a Facebook page, a Twitter account, a chip-inside-your-head-that-sends-and-receives-digital-messages-through-the-power-of-suggestion, etc. While this whole demonstration idea is extremely wrong-footed, the wariness of technology’s effects on our relationships… well, that’s not off the mark.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, these 4,563 riffs on the Ridiculously Photogenic Guy aren’t going to post themselves. Oh, Zeddie!

 

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