There’s a lot of talk about personal modesty as it applies to the religious life. Religions around the world often encourage a codified form of dress to distinguish their practitioners from “the rest of us.” Fights over the Muslim hijab are excellent examples of the firestorms sparked by the modesty question. For Jews, recent events like the Beit Shemesh modesty wars have spiraled out into a wider discourse on what the word “modesty” even means. Other questions include, “How modest is too modest?”; “Who chooses modesty and why?”; and “What’s the difference between modesty and control?” This last question in particular is worth looking at.
On the whole, the idea of modesty, like humility, isn’t a bad one. Wearing a kippah, for example, is an excellent way to remember that the universe doesn’t revolve around me. That I answer to others for my actions. That I have chosen to live according to a code of ethics and rituals that holds me accountable when I am tempted to act out of my best interests alone. While wearing a kippah isn’t usually the type of modesty in question during these debates, it is worth noting as a practice. Usually, however, the heat only rises when talking about the modesty of women.
Here’s the thing about religiously-prescribed modesty: all should have the freedom to choose or reject it. Like any form of religious devotion, it has the most meaning when taken up by the individual. Modesty imposed from the outside with no alternatives, especially through violence, is just control. And since the debate over modesty doesn’t typically touch on the dress code of men, that makes it sexist. Especially when the discussion returns to the “temptations” of being male, coupled with the inherent sensuality of the human form. Are we doomed to have this conversation over and over again?
As adults, it is our responsibility to affirm the inherent dignity of all human beings. Not reducing someone to a sexual object upon first seeing them, regardless of their code of dress, is a duty. Asserting that sexual desire is implicit or explicit in every encounter with a member of the opposite sex is a bit creepy, not to mention biased toward hetero-normativity (a blog-post for another day). While modesty, like humility, has its place, too often this discussion is a mechanism for the continued manipulation of the female gender. This leads to collective cringes from many, every time the word “modesty” is brought up. Yet again, the best of our values is manipulated and distorted by those who, perhaps even in their sincerity, would take it too far and demand too much. What a shame.
