The Conspiracy

Say “Yes” to the Snuggie

There is no denying it; the temperature of college dorms can be as unpredictable as the weather in Chicago. One moment it’s exceptionally hot, the next, no blanket is warm enough. For the heat, I have no suggestions, but for the cold, I have one word for you: Snuggie.

Yes, that’s right, I said Snuggie. The fashion faux-pas, the amorphous sleeve blanket; what many of my contemporaries have referred to as the ultimate form of birth control. I received not one, but two Snuggies for Chanukkah this year.My first thought was, did these people really get me a Snuggie? Really? But then, I slipped on the be-sleeved blanket and became a believer. What the smiley people on the commercial leave out is how comfortable they are! We as a society should do more to welcome Snuggies into modern culture. Let’s give Snuggies a chance. Yes, ridicule is abundant but, as a Snuggie owner, you will just laugh and shake your head patronizingly because those who mock you must flounder when they snuggle up under their plain old blankets. Their poor arms are exposed when they want to change the channel, read a book, or scratch their nose. While we, the Snuggie owners will remain warm and contented.

College students rejoice, soon your frozen toes will thaw and your crappy dorm furniture will seem luxurious. And what could be more fun than playing dreidel with your friends and eating your chocolate gelt winnings while wrapped up in the cozy fuzziness that is the Snuggie?

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